At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
