my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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