Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
