are you still at the devil's house?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
