YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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