maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
