swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
