Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
