I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
