I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
