I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
