some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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