just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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