this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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