He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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