You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
