girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
