Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
