What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
