i think my tv is drunk
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
