I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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