I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just cut my nipple shaving
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
