drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
