i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
