Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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