If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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