she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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