i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
