feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
