Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
