dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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