I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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