sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is my gift to your gina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
