I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Drunk is not a location!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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