If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
