I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
