I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
