I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
