I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
MIDGETS
????
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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