It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
