Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...so i touched it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
