Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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