do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
