She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize