our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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