just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
