I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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