batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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