Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
