I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
