dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize