Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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