I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
