is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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