You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
