I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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