Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
