My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
