I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize