Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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