His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
