i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize