My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
