I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
