why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
