I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
