We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
