Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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