So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
