you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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