he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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