i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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