I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
