I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
