conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
