Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
