i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
