I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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