You're completely useless in the revolution.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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