and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
