you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
