Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
