just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
